I will not have it.

There are so many upsides to being an OB-GYN resident, to being able to participate in the experiences I do, see amazing things on a daily basis, that sometimes I forget the downsides. Being tired is, of course, a biproduct, but it's my patience that takes the real hit. The gradual shift in perspective is best summed up by the mental thought change from "Oh boy, this one is going to be a doozy. Deep breath," to "I will not have this shit, Lord. I will not have it."

Tonight I was following a labor patient who is also a hospital employee, and she ended up requiring a C-section. As it turns out, she specifically requested that I not be involved. Hard to say why, as she only said that I was nice, but she just didn't like me. Not much I can do with that. It's hard not to let that kind of thing get to you.

I suppose I should be more aware of my surrounding and interactions. I've never seen this woman in my life, but at some point she decided she didn't like what she saw. I know that you cannot make everyone like you, and I have less of an interest in that outcome than I used to have--but. A bit more mindfulness, and a bit less "I will not have this shit, Lord" may help.

Six months in to residency! Still the best job ever. I go through cycles where I'm more and less excited about it, but so far no desire to change.

Also--I got married. There is that. Best thing that ever happened to me, even as we remind each other on a daily basis that we're not perfect. The last year has been full of huge life changes for both of us--graduating medical school, getting engaged, leaving good jobs, moving across the country, starting school, starting residency, getting married--and now it's good to just settle down and figure out what life looks like. I still have moments where I look at him and think, "I get to keep doing this? Forever? Awesome."

I also walked into church this past weekend and was startled to realize that it has begun to feel like my home church, like I actually belong there. Since I attended for several months without anybody noticing, the fact that we are making friends and becoming part of the community is good--and about time!

Also, I catch all the babies. I do C-sections. I've started doing gyn surgeries. It makes me happy. Pretty much the only downer to life is when acutely psychotic patients come into triage--I don't know how to talk to them and I get frustrated easily. Especially since the last one delivered a breech baby into the toilet after refusing to let us touch her.

Finally...this weekend is supposed to call for snow! Actual white stuff! Whoo hoo!