'Twas the Night

‘Tis the night before Christmas—but the tales I contest
For I find that on Christmas Eve there is no rest
My mom just put up our fake tree, for Pete’s sake
And I guarantee the thing won’t come down ‘til spring break
Our "green Christmas" is brown and appallingly mild
And the insane little foster kid is driving us wild
Not a soul can catch Remy, much less try to mind him
As he flies through the party, leaving chaos behind him
My dog keeps on barking as people show up
And nobody keeps track of their red plastic cup
I hope my sheriff uncle doesn’t wander up here
Because I think Jeff just shot one of Santa’s reindeer
Later, when the adults chatsy amongst themselves,
I think that we young ones will hunt down some elves
In our warm living room, a fire blazes away
And nobody’s hungry—we’ve been “grazing” all day
The boys ran out to rent movies, though any fool knows
That come Christmas Eve, the stores are all closed
They raced through the rain, got there five minutes late
But they missed out on sympathy, ‘cause we thought it was great
What a warped senses of humor—only Alex would try
And induce my poor mommy to watch “Family Guy”
The party would have lasted a bit longer, I suppose
If Remy hadn’t gone streaking, after shedding his clothes
So ‘tis the night before Christmas, with my strange family
Yet I know that I love them, and that they love me

Curbside

Curbside.
The growl of cars rolling by within arm’s reach, taking seconds of rap music, country, rock and roll with them. None stay long enough to compete with the old harmonica man across from me. Blues belted out from under a crazy tilted hat, cracked lips singing under closed eyes. People yelling from the river races provide background with bells from the playground, splash and dash of fountains, peals from wind chimes. Shrill gossip from old women enjoying the sun, sudden chime of a shop door bell announcing entry, faint scuff of cats feet on the railing far above. The quick tapping of little feet in time with giggles from an escaping toddler, joyful with five seconds of freedom.
Street music’s not like any other music, laid together with steady pressure like palms of hands or notes chasing each other like children. It’s insistent beat, a chin-up and rush of skateboard wheels and casual talk and walk. I should get up and join in, dance on the sidewalk, add my own bit of rhythm to the city. But the sun is warm here, and as I hesitate, faintly my heartbeat sounds in my ears, adding its own, unique unfaltering pulse to the music.
So I smile, and settle back on curbside, just another beat on the street.

God Help Me

The rain is falling down darkly
Sliding down to mingle with the salt on my face
Soundlessly falling to the ground so far below
Eyes staring sightlessly
Reflecting under their surface
The wet black emptiness of the dark
Water trailing cold fingers down
The back of my neck
I wish my heart was as icy
Instead of this burning and twisting wreck
Clenching as painfully as my fingers
Twisted together as if they were one
The only thing I have to hold on to now
Finally my arms are no longer enough
My will is not strong enough
To contain the pain inside
Passing what I can stand and passing it again
And again and again
Until I break
Into a thousand pieces and now
Cracking a little more as each cry escapes
Shoulders shaking in the effort
To be invisible
Here alone, with only the cold, wet wind
To wrap around me
I may be silent now but I'm still screaming
A desperate cry for help
That echoes but never gets an answer back
And through the bewilderment my mind whispers
When will this be over
And what will I be
God help me

Wish for Me

Twinkle indeed may the stars
I simply wonder where you are
And what name the world calls you by
What makes you smile, what makes you cry
And what it means to you, to be free
And if you wonder about me
Can you stand and face your fears
And what would you think of my tears
Who are you when you're all alone
I wish I knew where you called home
When you watch the stars, what do you see
And do you ever wish for me
I wonder how you speak and dress
If you know the pain of loneliness
And if music runs through your veins, too
Do you see the world the way that I do?
Someday we'll know, and I guess I'll see
If you ever think of me

Sing the Moon

What calls me awake, I do not know
But my wandering feet draw me to the window
Brushing the curtains off to the side
Moonlight slides through my fingertips
A radiance that night cannot hide
To blend with dreams in shadowed corners
The wind like softly crying mourners
I've seen the effect a gale can take
Whether the chill of winter, or summer's heat
You either bend, or you will break
But it pulls a smile from my lips
A hurricane force that can sink ships
Is content tonight to simply brush my hair aside
Autumn's scent is on the breeze
A wonder, how I feel so alive
When death is coming to the trees
Even now the air holds a bitter chill
For winter is coming to freeze and kill
But for now I stand alone in a shadowed room
Hearing the leaves blow where they will
Watching starlight patterns on my skin
Softly singing to the moon

Patched Girl

I like this half of who I can be

A dark army jacket and shoes with patched toes
Music flowing through cords hidden under her coat
To a tiny red iPod, a gift from the past
And a reminder that things that you love may not last
Speaking what she cannot in rhythms she feels
Black hood pulled down tight over a face she conceals
Under an equally black beanie to combat the cold
Open-kneed jeans no department store sold
Rips coming from time and a few nasty hard falls
And life as it tore down and built up new walls
But there's no defiance when you meet her eyes
Laughter has balanced all the tears that she's cried
A quick quirky chin-up is her take on the day
As the tattoo beat from her patched shoes fades away

Mirror

"You don't remember me but I remember you/I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you/But who can decide what they dream? and dream I do..." --Taking Over Me, Evanescence

I wake to see you lurking there
Demon child of my nightmares
You're my mirror and my own worst enemy
A painful fragment no one else can see
The haunting reminder of myself
Caught in the picture sitting on my shelf
Above my computer screen
Could almost make me scream
I want to shout, "Don't you see?"
To my personal demon who is me
The laughing girl my dreams recreate
Only exists until I'm awake
She cannot understand the rejection, so much
And doesn't remember it until morning when our glances touch
And the horror when she does is so deep
That she hides again until I sleep
When I must wake to remember what has been lost
Sleep is almost not worth the cost
Reality is knife-sharp when
That last night is dreamed over and over again

Change

The nature of the world
Changes with the sky at twilight
Letting go of the flickering
Burning sunlight
Shifting to something cooler
More steady then the day
I find that when the daylight fades
I also shift this way
Into someone quiet and remote
Motionless and still
Carefully watching and waiting
Wistful sometimes, wishing I
Could always be bright
But silently shrug and sigh
Like the moon I have a dark side
As clear as the midnight hour is when
The moon is bright, yet for all that
Only full now and then
And as I draw back into the shadows
I don't even need to ask why
She keeps her lonely nature hidden
For so, I find,
Do I

Come

Come with us, be one with us
The endless dark waves sigh
We promise nothing, and give you all
And the ocean never lies
Come with us, be one with us
Let seashells ring your hair
And seaweed twine your ankles
Leave your light and air
Come with us, be one with us
Now you're stepping in
For the riptide pulls you out to sea
And the ocean calls again
Come with us, be one with us
The water now grows deep
The sea has kept its promises
For you are hers to keep

Doesn't Care

My feet find only shifting sand
Staring out to sea
In the fading light, and so tonight
Twilight holds no peace for me

Rhythmically my doubts flood in
Wash out footprints behind
Like pounding waves that mark ships graves
For the sea is never kind

And tonight I cannot hear your voice
Though I need to feel you there
I whisper "it's true", that I know you
But the ocean does not care

Black Riders

Hear the black riders coming
Above the wind’s keening
Hear feet flying fleet
Though you think you are dreaming

Whipping capes made of shadow
Their horses of night
All about you they shout
As they race the moonlight

Whooping, hallooing,
They ride through the trees
Loud yells ring like bells
As their hooves pound the leaves

The wild ride flies on
Black riders exalting
Eyes strain through the rain
But they will not be halting

Galloping, galloping
No true shape or form
Though you stare, nothing’s there
But the wind and the storm

Glance

She stopped dead on the sidewalk
An adrenaline rush for a small moment in time
Frozen by a familiar shrug of the shoulders
Or perhaps the way his head inclined
A few more seconds and recognition fades
And a perfect stranger walks on unknowing
The exquisite agony of a single glance
Was the reason her steps had for slowing