Choice

Stunned
Seeing the mistakes of the past
Eyes wide open
Blind to the future and living the present
In a haze
Now learning—after reaching out
A single finger to change the future
It was too easy—and what future?
That no longer exists
Now
A new beginning
Wishing to have the courage to trust
But still uncertain of who
Shuddering to remember the destructive power
As of a moment
A frozen place in space and time when it slows
As agony builds, and realization
Coldly closes in and recedes
Leaving only emptiness
Futures forever lost and gone
Killing regret
Too many times, too many lives
And memories of what might have been for them
My fault?
Maybe
Quiet hands clenched tight
Eyes closed, refusing to look, remorseful
Afraid of wrecking more lives
While simply trying to love
Waiting…watching...wishing
Healing and realization
A single finger, reaching to the present
Carries behind it
The weight of choice
I choose
Not the bend the future with a gesture
But to touch the present
And let the future make its own shape
Trust again
And with sure and steady hands reach out
Making of now what will be
Watched over
Seeing the mistakes of the past
Eyes wide open
Still unsure of the future but living the present
Clearly, and trusting
That the future will change itself
Perhaps not as I wish
But the choice to trust
Is still mine
I am still here