a weapon in the hand of God

I've complained about the religion class here at Loma Linda. The testimonies are too long, the discussions too short, and what I have to say is usually different enough from everyone else to cause a small ripple of discord. I've grumbled to myself about the group mediators and their questions. Once they have a specific answer in mind, it doesn't matter what you have to say--right or wrong, they are hellbent on taking the train to a certain, predrawn conclusion. (Is predrawn even a word? It feels like a word. I may be the only person on earth who uses certain phrases because "They just feel right." Except for Becca. :))

Anyway, we were talking about prayer this week, and I knew exactly where the conversation was headed. I used to think about prayer in much the same way. But it was such a shallow point of view--such a beginning sentiment. I was irked enough that I thought I should try and make the conversation a little deeper, maybe open something up that most people didn't usually consider when talking about prayer. (In retrospect, I should have remembered that perhaps not everyone there is Christian, and that's why everything seems so basic. Sometimes I just don't think. Sorry, mama.)

So, I briefly reiterated some of the ideas I'd discussed in my paper. It was, in part, identical to something I'd said the week before (which I forgot until I was halfway through it), but it was true--and yet, the mediator immediately veered the conversation back to the "predestined conclusion."

I'm starting to realize that I sound egotistical. That's not where this was supposed to be going, but I'm about to back up the impression and sound really narcissistic. Anyway, one of the things I said really stuck in my head all week. I don't even know where it came from--I'd never heard it before. It's funny how things come out of your mouth with no rhyme or reason. But it was this--that prayer is a weapon in the hand of God.

Simple idea. Maybe. Not anything I've grown up hearing.

Still, so many implications. I can't go through them here, but I just keep finding them, piled up behind physio facts and anatomy lectures. It is an idea that has no base until you can actually see God--even if just through that glass, darkly--and suddenly that's becoming so important. I think that's why I was so irked with the mediator. Because nothing you say about what prayer is, and how it is to be used, matters at all until you understand some very basic things that, frankly, I don't think many people do, starting with what God is really like. I didn't see it before, and I was raised Adventist.

But the phrase keeps sticking with me. A weapon in the hand of God. Prayer, a weapon in God's hand. Me, a weapon in God's hand. Safe in the hand of God. 

Suddenly, it doesn't make the relationship seem so one-sided.

Jon, I wrote this with you in mind. Not because you agree with me, although you probably do, but because this stuff is what you write about, and for today, I'm joining the club. Tell me what you think and we should continue this conversation somewhere else, because I really miss Friday nights and bible studies and just talking things out.