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I need to make another counseling appointment.

After my last bout with the first counselor, I ended up seeing the psychiatrist. We get along well, and I've been back since then. We decided meds weren't an issue--rather, I told him there were issues, and he listened. We talked about strategies to live life healthier, and to some extent, they've worked.

I never counted on being a bad patient. They say doctors are the worst--I guess I'd agree.

I had two things I was supposed to do, the last time I left the office. Schedule a sleep study, and make an appointment with a better therapist. I have numbers and recommendations for both. I've done neither. It's been over a month, now.

I always wait until things get bad again before I do anything. I put stuff off, brush it aside. I do this with so many things, not just this. The psych guy said it's because I'm controlling. Hard to put a good slant on that one, eh? But he said one reason for this might be that I hate feeling tied down to obligation or schedules, and if I don't want to do something, I simply don't do it. I don't get it, myself.

But. Life is feeling a bit gray again. Sleep doesn't rest me, I can't concentrate or study, and even when good things happen in daily life, I'm not happy for long before I become sad and afraid and weary. I waste time, copious amounts of time. I've studied so little for the hours I've had today, and yet all I want to do is turn off the light, crawl in bed, and listen to the rain fall until I go to sleep...sleep through the weekend, in the dark, by myself. And it's not even 9pm yet.