I am only days away from 25--practically a grown woman--but I can tell you this. When I walk up to my door at night, I still imagine monsters. Dark slinking ones, like mixtures between giant dogs and demons. They could be crouching on the parking garage roof just above my head as I turn my key in the door, or lurking between the dark cars as I scurry through them, or dashing just behind me when the faulty motion sensor light flickers on and off. It doesn't matter how ridiculous the idea is in the broad light of day. I still imagine monsters.
I don't know where they come from. I've never seen a legit horror film that I can recollect, and my reading material, while touching on the macabre, has never ventured into the gruesome and horrific. But I've never seen any pictures that look worse than the things my mind dreams up when it's dark and I'm alone.
The only thing that works, when I am climbing out of my car in the dark and flinching at every sound and shadow, is to claim the darn things. Make them mine. It's the only way I've ever known to make a nightmare stop, is to decide that whatever the evil thing chasing me may be, it is mine, and we are friends. Every dream in which I've ever made that decision has drastically altered, and I was surprised to find that when I apply the same principle to the imaginary things that frighten me in the night, it works just as well.
And so I found myself doing it tonight. Instead of imagining the possibility that some awful beast might jump down at me from the roof as I'm trying to get my key in the lock, I pretend I'm safe because whatever is there is actually looking out for me. And it works. I don't feel nearly as nervous when I make the transition from imagining fear to imagining security. The world doesn't seem so scary when the worst things your imagination can come up with are protecting you.
Anyway. I realized that I was doing it again tonight, and I laughed, because let's face it--I'm too old for this. But it keeps life interesting.
4 comments:
Firstly, happy birthday in advance, since I don't know when your birthday is :)
Secondly, I was going to say that it wasn't that weird that you thought up imaginary monsters, but then i noticed you said you do that in broad daylight, not just in dark places. So perhaps not so normal.
HOWEVER, i will say that when it's dark, sometimes i do the same thing. I imagine monsters, or sometimes i just imagine scenarios in which it would be dark, and i would be attacked by monsters (but then i just imagine whooping them and it's all good lol).
Thirdly, i like your strategy. I think it's a really cool idea.
Fourthly, hooray for keeping life interesting! :D lol
I do the same thing; for me, it started when I was six years old and snuck into my older sister's slumber party when she and her friends were watching *Jurassic Park.*
Just to clarify...I do NOT get scared during the day. Just at night. It is during the day that I should be able to talk myself out of being scared in the dark...but it still doesn't work well.
oooooh, ok my mistake, i misread that. thanks for clarifying. And what do you mean it doesn't work well? I thought you said that claiming the dark things as yours works?
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