'Twas the Night

‘Tis the night before Christmas—but the tales I contest
For I find that on Christmas Eve there is no rest
My mom just put up our fake tree, for Pete’s sake
And I guarantee the thing won’t come down ‘til spring break
Our "green Christmas" is brown and appallingly mild
And the insane little foster kid is driving us wild
Not a soul can catch Remy, much less try to mind him
As he flies through the party, leaving chaos behind him
My dog keeps on barking as people show up
And nobody keeps track of their red plastic cup
I hope my sheriff uncle doesn’t wander up here
Because I think Jeff just shot one of Santa’s reindeer
Later, when the adults chatsy amongst themselves,
I think that we young ones will hunt down some elves
In our warm living room, a fire blazes away
And nobody’s hungry—we’ve been “grazing” all day
The boys ran out to rent movies, though any fool knows
That come Christmas Eve, the stores are all closed
They raced through the rain, got there five minutes late
But they missed out on sympathy, ‘cause we thought it was great
What a warped senses of humor—only Alex would try
And induce my poor mommy to watch “Family Guy”
The party would have lasted a bit longer, I suppose
If Remy hadn’t gone streaking, after shedding his clothes
So ‘tis the night before Christmas, with my strange family
Yet I know that I love them, and that they love me