Ending

I'm restless.

My feet just won't quit roaming from room to room. From the radiant heat of the fireplace, to the warm kitchen, to the cold porch overlooking the wind-whipped valley. Last sunset. Last full night's sleep in my untouched room, just the same as I left it two years ago when I went to college. Last time to watch the stars come out from the hammock under the oak.

We change in order to survive here. Every turn of the sun is made up of lasts--last goodbye, last kiss, last chance to ramble around in the dusk on the ridge we live on. Standing here watching the last rays of sunshine paint the mountains with colors they can't claim during the day, the future isn't always clear to me, and it hurts.

I'm tired of endings--so tired. But I'm slowly beginning to understand that endings just make the beginnings more precious--and there are so many beginnings that I'm finding. New friends, new experiences, new pictures to put up on my wall. Instead of hurting over the goodbyes, learning to embrace the unfamiliar.

I'm trying. And I believe in the "hope and a future" that I was promised.

And the sunset tonight is the most beautiful one I have ever seen.