One week left.
It's been a long time since I've written poetry, and I miss it. I could always count on a flow of words with just the right cadence to describe whatever turn life happened to take--but I haven't done that in a while. I tried just now to think of something to sum up what "one week left" feels like...I've got nothing. Because I'm not sure yet.
How'd you guys do it? When you graduated? How do you wrap up four years, or more, into a neat little package and move on?
The last month and a half has been pretty rough. They tell me I was depressed--I guess that was it. I do know my grades slipped dreadfully, I had teachers approaching my siblings and asking why my personality had shifted so abruptly, and I felt as tired as if I never slept at all.
I've never had to leave a place I actually wanted to be--I hated high school. I felt like I couldn't think, didn't want to leave, was tired of studying, scared of going so far away, afraid of being alone again, and plagued with all the things I wished I'd done here, on top of trying to meet financial deadlines that were out of my control but still my responsibility. So I buried myself in whatever would distract me, and ignored everything else. I'm not saying that was right, but it was nasty. I'm not much of the crying type, but I did a lot of that. I forgot how to smile. I think I scared my sibthings.
But I'm not trying to get any sympathy here. My life is perfect compared to most of the rest of the world, so I have no excuse for wallowing.
Anyway, the sun came back out for me a few weeks ago, and I found a great deal of grace with my teachers, so I'm still graduating with honors and suchlike. I'm even excited about it...but it's still new. I'm not sure how to take it. I know how to do college. Not sure about everything after.
So far, this feels like every other pre-finals week I've had yet. But I know it's not. I'll be walking away from this place in two weeks time, and I won't be back next fall. How do you...deal with that? What does it feel like from the other side? What does one do with the last week?
3 comments:
"So far, this feels like every other pre-finals week I've had yet. But I know it's not. I'll be walking away from this place in two weeks time, and I won't be back next fall." That was about it for me. I'm still wondering. I hope you figure it out. I think accepting it and facing it head on has something to do with it. Maybe take a pencil with you everywhere that last week and write down that missing poetry for everything. Congratulations, by the way. And good luck.
Believe me. I get it. When graduation from Sunnydale got closer, I was depressed. I knew I wouldn't see some of my class ever again. I knew that I didn't really CARE if I saw some of them ever again. But I also knew that I would see FAR less of the people most important to me than I'd like (MOST important, more so than family). And that sucked. It didn't help that I was right. But, as robby says, such is life. Some things are just going to suck and no amount of moping will change it. Still, that didn't stop me from nearly crying the day of graduation as I hugged some people goodbye. Glad you made it out of your funk though. Life is much more fun when you're happy :P
I've never graduated from Southern, but I've left places I didn't want to leave so many times that I've lost count. I've gone to places that I didn't want to go just about as frequently.
From that experience . . . you don't wrap it into a little package because it's more like herding cats. Every time you think you've got it all together, you see one of them glaring at you from a tree, and another one is climbing your leg.
But it does get easier, and there's usually a point when you realize that the complicated everyday issues you're facing become more like once-a-day issues, and then maybe one day it forgets to hurt at all, and then all you have to do is prepare for the sneak attacks.
But that's just my experience. I hope it goes easier for you. And I have no idea whether there's something you can do this week to make it easier. But I hope you can.
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