'Twas the Night

‘Tis the night before Christmas—but the tales I contest
For I find that on Christmas Eve there is no rest
My mom just put up our fake tree, for Pete’s sake
And I guarantee the thing won’t come down ‘til spring break
Our "green Christmas" is brown and appallingly mild
And the insane little foster kid is driving us wild
Not a soul can catch Remy, much less try to mind him
As he flies through the party, leaving chaos behind him
My dog keeps on barking as people show up
And nobody keeps track of their red plastic cup
I hope my sheriff uncle doesn’t wander up here
Because I think Jeff just shot one of Santa’s reindeer
Later, when the adults chatsy amongst themselves,
I think that we young ones will hunt down some elves
In our warm living room, a fire blazes away
And nobody’s hungry—we’ve been “grazing” all day
The boys ran out to rent movies, though any fool knows
That come Christmas Eve, the stores are all closed
They raced through the rain, got there five minutes late
But they missed out on sympathy, ‘cause we thought it was great
What a warped senses of humor—only Alex would try
And induce my poor mommy to watch “Family Guy”
The party would have lasted a bit longer, I suppose
If Remy hadn’t gone streaking, after shedding his clothes
So ‘tis the night before Christmas, with my strange family
Yet I know that I love them, and that they love me

Curbside

Curbside.
The growl of cars rolling by within arm’s reach, taking seconds of rap music, country, rock and roll with them. None stay long enough to compete with the old harmonica man across from me. Blues belted out from under a crazy tilted hat, cracked lips singing under closed eyes. People yelling from the river races provide background with bells from the playground, splash and dash of fountains, peals from wind chimes. Shrill gossip from old women enjoying the sun, sudden chime of a shop door bell announcing entry, faint scuff of cats feet on the railing far above. The quick tapping of little feet in time with giggles from an escaping toddler, joyful with five seconds of freedom.
Street music’s not like any other music, laid together with steady pressure like palms of hands or notes chasing each other like children. It’s insistent beat, a chin-up and rush of skateboard wheels and casual talk and walk. I should get up and join in, dance on the sidewalk, add my own bit of rhythm to the city. But the sun is warm here, and as I hesitate, faintly my heartbeat sounds in my ears, adding its own, unique unfaltering pulse to the music.
So I smile, and settle back on curbside, just another beat on the street.

God Help Me

The rain is falling down darkly
Sliding down to mingle with the salt on my face
Soundlessly falling to the ground so far below
Eyes staring sightlessly
Reflecting under their surface
The wet black emptiness of the dark
Water trailing cold fingers down
The back of my neck
I wish my heart was as icy
Instead of this burning and twisting wreck
Clenching as painfully as my fingers
Twisted together as if they were one
The only thing I have to hold on to now
Finally my arms are no longer enough
My will is not strong enough
To contain the pain inside
Passing what I can stand and passing it again
And again and again
Until I break
Into a thousand pieces and now
Cracking a little more as each cry escapes
Shoulders shaking in the effort
To be invisible
Here alone, with only the cold, wet wind
To wrap around me
I may be silent now but I'm still screaming
A desperate cry for help
That echoes but never gets an answer back
And through the bewilderment my mind whispers
When will this be over
And what will I be
God help me

Wish for Me

Twinkle indeed may the stars
I simply wonder where you are
And what name the world calls you by
What makes you smile, what makes you cry
And what it means to you, to be free
And if you wonder about me
Can you stand and face your fears
And what would you think of my tears
Who are you when you're all alone
I wish I knew where you called home
When you watch the stars, what do you see
And do you ever wish for me
I wonder how you speak and dress
If you know the pain of loneliness
And if music runs through your veins, too
Do you see the world the way that I do?
Someday we'll know, and I guess I'll see
If you ever think of me

Sing the Moon

What calls me awake, I do not know
But my wandering feet draw me to the window
Brushing the curtains off to the side
Moonlight slides through my fingertips
A radiance that night cannot hide
To blend with dreams in shadowed corners
The wind like softly crying mourners
I've seen the effect a gale can take
Whether the chill of winter, or summer's heat
You either bend, or you will break
But it pulls a smile from my lips
A hurricane force that can sink ships
Is content tonight to simply brush my hair aside
Autumn's scent is on the breeze
A wonder, how I feel so alive
When death is coming to the trees
Even now the air holds a bitter chill
For winter is coming to freeze and kill
But for now I stand alone in a shadowed room
Hearing the leaves blow where they will
Watching starlight patterns on my skin
Softly singing to the moon

Patched Girl

I like this half of who I can be

A dark army jacket and shoes with patched toes
Music flowing through cords hidden under her coat
To a tiny red iPod, a gift from the past
And a reminder that things that you love may not last
Speaking what she cannot in rhythms she feels
Black hood pulled down tight over a face she conceals
Under an equally black beanie to combat the cold
Open-kneed jeans no department store sold
Rips coming from time and a few nasty hard falls
And life as it tore down and built up new walls
But there's no defiance when you meet her eyes
Laughter has balanced all the tears that she's cried
A quick quirky chin-up is her take on the day
As the tattoo beat from her patched shoes fades away

Mirror

"You don't remember me but I remember you/I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you/But who can decide what they dream? and dream I do..." --Taking Over Me, Evanescence

I wake to see you lurking there
Demon child of my nightmares
You're my mirror and my own worst enemy
A painful fragment no one else can see
The haunting reminder of myself
Caught in the picture sitting on my shelf
Above my computer screen
Could almost make me scream
I want to shout, "Don't you see?"
To my personal demon who is me
The laughing girl my dreams recreate
Only exists until I'm awake
She cannot understand the rejection, so much
And doesn't remember it until morning when our glances touch
And the horror when she does is so deep
That she hides again until I sleep
When I must wake to remember what has been lost
Sleep is almost not worth the cost
Reality is knife-sharp when
That last night is dreamed over and over again

Change

The nature of the world
Changes with the sky at twilight
Letting go of the flickering
Burning sunlight
Shifting to something cooler
More steady then the day
I find that when the daylight fades
I also shift this way
Into someone quiet and remote
Motionless and still
Carefully watching and waiting
Wistful sometimes, wishing I
Could always be bright
But silently shrug and sigh
Like the moon I have a dark side
As clear as the midnight hour is when
The moon is bright, yet for all that
Only full now and then
And as I draw back into the shadows
I don't even need to ask why
She keeps her lonely nature hidden
For so, I find,
Do I

Come

Come with us, be one with us
The endless dark waves sigh
We promise nothing, and give you all
And the ocean never lies
Come with us, be one with us
Let seashells ring your hair
And seaweed twine your ankles
Leave your light and air
Come with us, be one with us
Now you're stepping in
For the riptide pulls you out to sea
And the ocean calls again
Come with us, be one with us
The water now grows deep
The sea has kept its promises
For you are hers to keep

Doesn't Care

My feet find only shifting sand
Staring out to sea
In the fading light, and so tonight
Twilight holds no peace for me

Rhythmically my doubts flood in
Wash out footprints behind
Like pounding waves that mark ships graves
For the sea is never kind

And tonight I cannot hear your voice
Though I need to feel you there
I whisper "it's true", that I know you
But the ocean does not care

Black Riders

Hear the black riders coming
Above the wind’s keening
Hear feet flying fleet
Though you think you are dreaming

Whipping capes made of shadow
Their horses of night
All about you they shout
As they race the moonlight

Whooping, hallooing,
They ride through the trees
Loud yells ring like bells
As their hooves pound the leaves

The wild ride flies on
Black riders exalting
Eyes strain through the rain
But they will not be halting

Galloping, galloping
No true shape or form
Though you stare, nothing’s there
But the wind and the storm

Glance

She stopped dead on the sidewalk
An adrenaline rush for a small moment in time
Frozen by a familiar shrug of the shoulders
Or perhaps the way his head inclined
A few more seconds and recognition fades
And a perfect stranger walks on unknowing
The exquisite agony of a single glance
Was the reason her steps had for slowing

He Is

He is quick to laugh
Slow to criticize
An embrace waiting to happen
Random dance steps on a crowded street
Not caring who watches
He is thoughtful
And stronger then he thinks
Surprisingly insightful
And compassionate beyond his years
So annoyingly good at hiding his feelings
But always telling the truth with his eyes
He is a sudden flash of intuition
And a mischievous light kindling on his face
Laughing disgust at mushrooms
And good-natured razzing on the soccer field
He is endlessly enthusiastic
And ready for anything, anytime, anywhere
Totally clueless when it comes
To realizing his own attractiveness
He is procrastination
Carried to the limits and beyond
He is comfortable silence in a car
And a wink across a crowded room
He is sadness sometimes showing through
And still totally beautiful
In a totally guy sort of way
He is a hand and "I've got you"
He is a prayer
And an answer at the same time
He is a shrug when life gets annoying
And protective of those he cares for
He is a tousled head and a sleepy hug
Reaching over from the next sleeping bag
He is a challenge
A hand reaching back in invitation
He is everything to me
He is

Twilight

Twilight
Relentlessly overtaking the sky
Darkening to blue
And black
Broken by starlight
And the moon where it thoughtfully
Contemplates
Us so far below
Caught in the hour
Between day and true night
Suspended between the grass and trees
Swung by the wind
This is my time
When it ceases to exist
Only starshine flickering through the restless leaves
And on my face
Changes with its passing
Slowly swinging across the sky
To places I want to be
Wanting to share this moment
With its elusive beauty
Before it dissolves into memory
But only the cool north wind
Appears
To run quicksilver fingers
Through my hair
As, alone, I welcome the night

Time

If I could capture all of time
In just a simple song or rhyme
Hold true to just one memory
Of pain or joy or revelry
Releasing all my past regrets
Nuances the mind forgets
I would stop time or at least try
But I cannot, and wonder why

Glass

Somebody
(I cried silently)
Lift me back into time
The world where people laugh and love
A silent call for help
While I beat on the glass
Wall of a lonely prison (of my own making)
Hurt, mistrust, even still some rage
Fear of the danger that freedom could bring
Because I discovered the other side of love
Futilely wishing that the walls around me were shattered
(Like the promises that brought me there)
Shivering in the cold emptiness
Huddled against the wall
Wanting the sun to warm my icy hands
Startled to find my own tears
Life is meant to be shared, and even though
The time you touched was a lifetime ago
I spent too much time (alone) behind that wall
Of wariness and mistrust of the words "I promise"
(Because, after all
I wouldn't be alone...if that were true)
And I swore I'd never lie to you
That vow was kept--I never have
Is it so wrong to have expected the same back?
The wall has melted down to nothing
(That's what love does)
The sun is warm and I can see
But I still shiver when a stray breeze
Blows whispers of the ice through me
And I probably always will
But still

Mind Music

Resonance
The sound of tired hearts combining
Realigning
Into unity
A vibrant match of heart and souls
Strangers just perhaps in mind
But in actuality
Our different rhythms redefining
Meeting, greeting, sharing, found
A common harmony

Cadence
All our lives intertwining
Old ways dying
Creating serenity
Even as we grow closer still
And become who we really are in
Possibility
All focusing on giving
Caught up in the song of living
And tuned so perfectly

Persistance
Uniquely every note supplying
Our music, underlying
A welcomed blend of gallantry
Each one of us a clear strong tone
Blending into a single strain
With lovely symmetry
Sometimes a minor chord or two
But always the melody breaking through
We fit amazingly

Dissonance
Hating distance, yet still trying
Sometimes humming
A restless melody
The long days missing needed pieces
Hating, now, to be alone
Forgotten memory
Yet still connected by a song
With those to whom I belong
It still surprises me

Untouchable

This one comes from the Great Road Trip of 2008, simply put one of the best times of my life.

Jagged
Snow crusted rocks forcing
Sharp edges into the sky
Reflecting light like icy daggers
Challenging the clouds for right
To touch the stars
Standing against the surging
Of black, rolling storms
Islands in oceans of air
Immovable in a world where
The ground is solid as shifting sand
Dunes
On the horizen
Curving skyline constantly changing
Snaking lines and sheer edges
Falling off
In watery cascades of sand
Shaped by the wind
Whistling over miles of flat
Scrub bushes
And rushing sheer red canyon walls
Updrafts
Hawks and eagles
Flung upwards to hover
Unmindful of the world so many
Thousands of feet below
Fiercely watchful golden eyes
Raptor intelligence
Tilting a wing to veer suddenly
Impossibly
Curvingly away over the land
Snow and sand and water passing
Rapidly underneath
Following the contours of wilderness so
Untouchable
Hidden valleys known only
To herds of elk
Wary
But secure in their isolation
Sequestered in miles of pine and lakes
Deep and cold
Reflecting a perfect sky
Their world
Unforgiving and gentle still
Ebb and flow
In perfect balance

Baji-Naji

With all the stress I think everybody's been under, this seemed like a fitting thing to post. It is scrambled and makes no sense in pieces, but it does to me. I think. It's rather late and I'm tired.

Tossing, turning, tired and restless
Unable to remain in bed
Staring off into the darkness
Spinning dice inside your head

Unaware if you change the future
Or at whose will your cards are dealt
Do you struggle with your conscience
Or things that can be seen and felt?

Will you trust in the ledge you hold
Take a moment and risk a breath
To sit on the edge of the world
And walk the line between life and death

Luck and fortune, fate and chance
Tears or laughter, heat and cold
Intermingle, clash and dance
Who knows what tomorrow holds?

Storm

Awareness rising as the sun sinks
And the sky is drained of light
Nostrils flaring as your instincts
Sense the coming of the night

Scudding clouds cast changing shadows
Illuminating moon shines full
Though nightmares stalk the restless forest
Still, the dark is beautiful

Breezes flicker past the trees
Cool, yet hinting of the day
Mingling, stirring up the leaves
Can you hear the words they say?

For now the wind is blowing harder
Both the excite and to warn
The sound of distant rain comes closer
A herald of the rising storm

Raging wind howls, snapping branches
Water turns to stinging spray
Though the maelstrom you may wonder
What shall live to greet the day

Yet strangely there is joy in this
To stand your ground against the night
Exaltation in this moment
Hold fast—do not fear the sight

A challenge in each drop of rain
Crashing thunder, lightning’s glare
This windy night is cool and wild
Come and join in, if you dare

Green Into Brown

Those who are the most obvious are the hardest to read. We like it that way. Usually.

She watched while the shadows
Played through the changing color in her eyes
His shaded
Yet carrying their own light
Green into brown
Black freckle only hinting at what passes behind
Tranquil green calm hiding the turbulence of a river in spring
Tossing questions and hope and reality through rapids
To settle, exhausted, into a steady flow
Green into brown
She considers his smile
Watching the familiar lines trace happiness
As yet untouchable
Uncertain if she dares
Green into brown
For an instant of eternity she steps out of time’s flow
Head bowed to think
Not wanting to grasp at a wish
And open hands to find empty air
Green into brown
Yet still waiting in the face of reality
Believing with the quiet constancy a thousand years can bring
Standing straight on the edge
Of what is and what can be
Green into brown
She still watches, still silent, and smiles back
Hair brushes across his eyes and hers
Brown across green into brown under black
Reflecting the sun
Green into brown
And though nothing may ever come of it
The sun will still set
The moon will rise
And something in her eyes will still be smiling back
Green into brown

Choice

Stunned
Seeing the mistakes of the past
Eyes wide open
Blind to the future and living the present
In a haze
Now learning—after reaching out
A single finger to change the future
It was too easy—and what future?
That no longer exists
Now
A new beginning
Wishing to have the courage to trust
But still uncertain of who
Shuddering to remember the destructive power
As of a moment
A frozen place in space and time when it slows
As agony builds, and realization
Coldly closes in and recedes
Leaving only emptiness
Futures forever lost and gone
Killing regret
Too many times, too many lives
And memories of what might have been for them
My fault?
Maybe
Quiet hands clenched tight
Eyes closed, refusing to look, remorseful
Afraid of wrecking more lives
While simply trying to love
Waiting…watching...wishing
Healing and realization
A single finger, reaching to the present
Carries behind it
The weight of choice
I choose
Not the bend the future with a gesture
But to touch the present
And let the future make its own shape
Trust again
And with sure and steady hands reach out
Making of now what will be
Watched over
Seeing the mistakes of the past
Eyes wide open
Still unsure of the future but living the present
Clearly, and trusting
That the future will change itself
Perhaps not as I wish
But the choice to trust
Is still mine
I am still here

Hearts Blood

The world’s heart beats in sync with mine
The ebb and flow of hearts blood
Racing with the wind along the canyon walls
Rise on eagle’s wings to chase shadows across the landscape
Walking the edge of the way the world is supposed to be
Just to be alive
Gone
Off to places where the deep drum roll of the earth can be heard and felt
Through the soles of bare feet
Dancing to the song of the stars
Through the fire and ice of the Northern sky
Laughing
Joining the crash of the waves on rocky coasts
Incessant rhythm of the sea
At once raging and calm
Alone but never lonely
Dance
Together with the voices of the mountains
Responding to the music in the world
Singing, tingling beat pulsing in your blood
Fierce joy in simply being alive
Fire and ice
To be one of a thousand reflections from a frozen blade of grass
Shattering the sky into tiny fragments of light
Running
Faster and faster, wolves with nose to the wind
Sharp air and scent and life
Together as one with the pack, we are the clan
Pointing heads to the sky and blending voices
Chorus of howls receding into a heartbeat
Pulsing through the eagle’s veins
Giving strength to my wings
Soaring
Screaming defiance into the sky
And sensing the many harmonies on the breeze
Skimming over the mountains on invisible rivers
Of air
Listening to silence
The heartbeat of the world is in my heartbeat
The rhythm is in my heart’s blood
Just listen

Our Song

These verses are my completion of Pippin's song. The first is the original, the rest are my own. I love to sing them--very haunting.

Home is behind
The world ahead
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadow
To the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight
Mist and shadow
Cloud and shade
All shall fade
All shall…
Fade.

Wild is the wind
And black the night
Cool, the moon casts silver light
Run quickly
Let starlight lead
If so we shall go far indeed
Through grasslands
Dew on every blade
All shall fade
All shall…
Fade.

Cold is the sun
Upon the snow
And yet we still have far to go
Through mountains
Into the rain
Experience the world’s pain
Love and longing
Fear and joy and rage
All shall fade
All shall…
Fade.

Warm is the light
Across the sea
There’s nowhere else I’d rather be
Fly the heavens
Sail to world’s end
As long as I go with a friend
Come with me now
Into the waves
All shall fade
All shall…
Fade.