Blips from the thing I call my life. Although sometimes, instead of living it, I feel like holding it out, dripping, at arms length like some horrific but perversely fascinating thing I've just dredged out of the deepest weedy parts of the ocean. It's that strange and awful and horribly funny sometimes.
On Tuesday, I drove nine hours (ending at midnight) through constant torrential downpours which turned to snow as I got further north. The semis would pass me and I couldn't see a thing; and it was dark, and I hate driving after dark; and there were no really visible lines on the road; and traffic was horrific. And, unfortunately, I was so high-strung and tense the entire time, trying not to die every single second, that I cursed out loud for the first time in my life. And I did it multiple times, with increasing volume. I was appalled but didn't hold back, merely promised myself that, once I left that car, the incident would never again be repeated. It still makes me shudder. I hate swearing.
Oh, and I was desperately trying to get someone to cover my 6am shift, and might have somewhat manipulated a nice young man into doing it for me--I know it's not right, but I was desperate--and now, he wants a date in payment. Huh. I generally don't turn down a date if it's someone I know enough to know that they have certain morals--say, aren't going to drug my food--and are generally pleasant. And so I do not mind, but at the same time, I feel like to a certain extent I couldn't say no if I wanted to, since I owe him, and I don't like that feeling.
On Wednesday, had my interview at WV School of Medicine, which I think went well. I did make the mistake of wearing heels, and then being toured around by the sweetest, most scatterbrained med student ever (Oh! Let's go up to the top floor! There's a really good view of the Law school from there! Oh, let's go to the playroom!). My feet still hurt. Oh, and then I drove back 9 hours (again mostly in the dark), but it was much better because I discovered that you can "rent" audiobooks at Cracker Barrel. I got into this young adult spy book, which was lacking but much better than the Nora Roberts romances I could have gone with. Reading that stuff would be bad enough--having someone else read it to you? Infinitely grody.
And today wasn't much better--I've hurried through it in a daze. Had to work at six, had to scramble to overnight the last of my reference letters to a school to be considered by them, might have to reinterview at another place because they did a crummy job the first time around, have to prepare for a mini-recital on Monday with a song that I love but am nowhere near performing, got approached by the Air Force about a scholorship I qualify for (which I'm actually considering, kind of), had my antivirus run out (and that stuff is expensive to renew!), and now I'm running in to a piano lesson to try and fix all of my problems. And I'm 15 hours behind in practice, because I started late and have had no time for piano, even though I love it.
I'm a bit whelmed over. And tired. Here come finals...somebody, shoot me now. Quick.
2 comments:
well when you blog about it we get to look at it from arms length, fascinated, but I wish it were just a story, and not stuff that you actually LIVED!
hopefully you remember more of the good things that are happening right now in your life than all this stress. it's certainly no fun. that part anyway. but you're moving a lot, and I've thought recently that moving is living. good luck with it.
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