She wasn't sure if she wanted it--if she wanted him--and so she said no.
As soon as the word took shape and form in the hazy autumn afternoon, she felt a sudden movement and vertigo as the world shifted, and readjusted; and it was then that she realized for the first time in her life the power a single word has to change everything, to alter the future irrevocably.
She stared over her shoulder at the boy as he walked away, and fought the sudden pang of curiosity and regret. Yes.
8 comments:
Is this a chilling reminder of how to carpe diem?
Two years ago I figured out I liked a girl. Sadly, it was like . . . april. I'm not going to start a relationship in the last month of school.
At one point, we were talking about stuff and she said that IF I had asked her out, she would have said yes.
Now she has a boyfriend and it's serious.
I have since gotten into a relationship (which ended badly but that's not the point), told my father I love him, and posted a creepy comment on the internet because I am more terrified of regret than of rejection.
You kind of hit a nerve for me. So this comment is ungodly long.
I love this.
Actually, it was something I did, five years ago. For the same reasons as you, I guess.
Did I make it chilling? Oops. If so I'm blaming it on you, because what YOU had said hit a nerve for ME. Because it was familiar. Because I've done that.
Still makes me grin that you are so convinced interblogging is creepy. Do you WANT it to be creepy? I could try and be a little creeped, I guess.
Bleh I suppose if you don't WANT to be creeped, nobody's making you.
But I feel like a creeper because I have NEVER done the whole "awkward introduction via interwebs" before. I am too exciting in real life; if I had seen you between the time I discovered your blog and the time I manned up and creeped, I would have just mentioned it in real life.
Real life is so much better. There is less shame in screwing up in real life because the feedback is so much more immediate, and visceral.
Saying "OKAY YES I WILL DO THIS" in real life? More permanent, true. But ever so much more rewarding. I have several times done monumentally stupid things just because I could get immediate feedback.
See, I think it's so much easier to screw up in real life. But then, I'm shy. I save the blazing excitement for people I know, and if the positions had been reversed? I might have said something in person. Maybe. Maybe. Kudos to you types who can just do that without thinking.
I also think it's funny that you say you creeped only after you manned up. How much of an oxymoron is that?!
I think my experience in high school has a great deal to do with this . . .
In high school, I figured out that if nobody was going to like me no matter how hard I tried, it was better to stop trying and just let the chips fall where they may.
Then people started liking me because I was more genuine. Also I stopped being annoying. (Different story, another day).
So yes. I can do ridiculous things like introduce myself to people I have never met. And sing in public. Like I'm in a musical.
I want musicals to happen in real life so very, very badly.
Wouldn't that be fun?! Sometimes I wish I had my own theme music and it would just follow me wherever I went, like an invisible jazz band.
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