Last night was hard.
Refocusing priorities has always been super difficult for me, at least when choosing between learning people and learning facts. See, I know, intellectually, that I'm here to inundate myself with knowledge--like forging a weapon, one I want, one I'm going to need. It's not the purpose, this learning, but entirely necessary. Important. Essential. It's why I'm here.
But I've always been so much more interested in people. How they work, how they think, who they are. Fascinating. I'd so much rather sneak midnight Starbucks runs with her, or watch stars with him, or cook with them. I've been trying to keep those areas separate, but I realized as I brushed my teeth last night that I've been failing. My priorities got switched somewhere along the way, and if it happens much more, I'll be in trouble. I got afraid, and fear makes me angry...and I can do things with anger.
So. Last night was exhausting because I spent a good portion of it staring at my ceiling, reworking my thoughts, reprioritizing, refocusing. Determining.
If doing well here means I block everything else out...well then. I have to try, don't I?
I hope it's not as bad as all of this. I tend to try extremes. I hope it gets better. And if not, there are the weekends.
2 comments:
Oh, man, I've been struggling with this very thing like mad for the last two months, and I am failing miserably at balancing everything.
I hope you figure it out so you can tell me what is best to do.
I know you can do the right thing, though, so don't worry.
See, I have the same 'problem', only I don't see it as a problem. I value people over grades and career and basically everything. But I'm ok with it. People are my priority, well above my future.
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